Super Heroes / Super Heroes

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I have a sneaking suspicion that Super Heroes don’t always handle their powers well.
The Human Torch?
Well, most common myth about him is, He just catches on Fire.
What if he’s in a Restaurant? Or at the Movies. What about when he goes to the Library?
Surely he’s being watched closely when he’s in these locations?
And you may be interested in hearing that he’s no longer allowed in Gas Stations since the accident.
Court ordered you know?  It’s tough, he has to take public transportation everywhere.
And if you were a cabdriver. and you saw him hailing a cab, would you stop and pick him up?
Yeah I thought so. Me neither.
And when he does burst into flames like that? Why is he all cool with it?
I’m guessing the first few times he ignited he ran down the street screaming like a little schoolgirl.
Waving his arms above his head yelling for someone to “Put It Out! Put It Out!”
And wouldn’t it get a little old after a while with all the wisecracks?
People walking up to him holding a cigarette asking, “Hey Buddy,  You Got a Light?”
He’s got to eventually get disgusted with stuff like that.
The Incredible Hulk?
Ordering Food can be tough. Especially if he gets disappointed in the meal.
The waiter walks up, perhaps not aware who his customer is. “How was your food Sir?”
He could go Nuts. Smashing everything in sight.
People aren’t aware that he wasn’t always just a scientist.
He Drove a City Bus for a Year. But…Lost his license
Traffic can be brutal right?
In the end what really drove him over the edge was that people didn’t ever have exact change.
Then nobody rode his route anymore because of the episodes. and they finally had to let him go.
About the big blue pants he wears.
Where exactly does one go to find pants that big? There isn’t a Big & Tall store around that can handle his size.
I just glad he has them. At least The Hulk’s got pants, a lot of these guys wear tights.
Not the big fella though. A little modesty if you please.
Thank You Hulk for keeping that Johnson out of sight. Seriously, nobody wants to see that.
I’d like to know what he does to relax? What’s he do when he’s not out smashing things to smithereens.
I’ve heard that he couldn’t go to sporting events anymore either. See? He is a Cleveland fan and that didn’t help his temper either.
If he asks you what the score was of last nights game? Lie. “I think they won Hulk? Or I’m Not sure.”
Super Girl/Wonder Woman?
Laments that when it comes to the lovemaking department. “Well? She’s just OK?”
Certainly not Super or Wonderful. She wants to be. But. “It’s a lot to live up to, you know?”
And it’s tough to make your way in a male dominated society. “Men are fragile.
You can’t just go showing them up all the time. They’re fragile really fragile.
They tell you they had a nice time? and then they Never call!
Aqua Man?
First off if he asks you what you had for dinner last night? Don’t say “Fish.”
Tell him you had a steak. Or better yet a salad.
Imagine if everywhere you went, people had to mop up after you.
He can’t be out of the water for long periods of time.
Dude is like a male mermaid right? No water, the trouble begins.
And he’s sensitive. Very sensitive. Let’s face it he has a fish smell.
And after a while. He needs a good rinsing off.  Think about it?
The Fish Funk can be a downer if you’re out with a group of friends.
He does his best to keep it to a manageable level.
But eventually you can’t help it.  you’re going to say something.
You don’t mean to be mean. But Fuck? Ya Know? Fish?!?
Spiderman?
Ok I get the web slinger. Tormented as a kid, teased. Then one day, Wham!
Bitten by a radioactive spider. it gives him freaky powers.
Can Somebody tell me what exactly is the spooge that flies out of his wrists is? Doesn’t look like silk to me.
And really? that skin tight suit is just asking for trouble in this day and age.
Put some pants on or something,  you’re scaring people.
Not to mention you wear a mask. People can’t tell if you’re smiling or not.
You could be having a good day? But you could also be about ready to rip some guys arm out of his socket.
People need to get a read on your expression. Know if you need a little space or not.
And I notice you never leave the confines of the city? Hmmm.
Maybe out in the country you stand out like everyone else. No advantages.
No buildings to swing from. You Can’t climb much out in the country. Maybe a tree or occasional grain elevator.
You aren’t gonna swoop down from the top of a barn and save the day? Are you Mr. Big Shot?
Nope, most likely you’re gonna get some farmer blast you with a shotgun.
“Get offa my barn! (shakes fist) Yer scarring the Cows!”
The Flash?
Is it Flash or The Flash?
Try getting into a nice restaurant dressed like that guy.
Sir, we require a tie and a jacket, and…(once again) perhaps some pants?
Your red underpants aren’t appropriate for the dinning room this evening,
I’m afraid, We have a dress code.
Flash has to call the bank ahead of time. No just dropping in to do business unannounced.
He had to stop, the guards would see this guy rush in wearing a mask.
And would mace him or taser him. So now he calls ahead before he visits.
Mostly he just uses a cash station, whenever possible.
It’s difficult to find understanding with his fellow Super Heroes.
He wants to help, be part of the team, but he doesn’t have super strength or fly,
He just runs really fast. which is all well in good, for him. just not the first one to get the call for help.
Last time someone was in trouble. He outran bullets and rescued the girl. Saved the day.
But it wasn’t Flash who got the credit.
Ohhh Noooooo that always goes to Superman or Batman or that Bitch Aquafishman!