A Letter to the Son I never had.
Dear Son,
I have received your first letter to me and I am extremely well pleased at your obvious ability to write a most intelligent and interesting letter with no spelling errors. you go to the head of the class in my opinion. It was good of you to write me and I appreciate it.
I am enclosing your driver’s license and the original letter from your lawyer. He has been paid.
I am very happy to hear things are going well with you in the scholastical line. I know you will not become too optimistic regarding the understanding traits of some of these teachers. I always knew I was in good shape during the semesters, but when the day of atonement arrived I was given the bum’s rush. I am pulling for you.
I do not wish to lecture to you in my letter and I shall make this the last time I will even discuss such delicate subjects. All I want you to do is be happy, have a good time. and with the way you spend money you are going to need to be in the mid to high six figure earning bracket. as you know the first three figures don’t count and you can readily see six figures is getting up there.
Rarely does a young man have any consideration in the spending of OPM and in the event you don’t know what OPM means, Your Grandfather would have told you that OPM means other people’s money. During the balance of this term, I am going to send you money weekly, as we all know, ? , don’t we, if you are given two weeks play money, as well as money for food and clothing at one time, it won’t even last a week.
Money will always be a problem to you. the best way to be is to not spend what you haven’t got. now as long as I have money, I will endeavor to provide adequately for you.
I suppose there are lots of things about which I could lecture you. but a character your age usually knows the answers so I will not enliven this letter with a lot of criticism especially since I truly feel I have nothing to criticise your goodself.
Matters are pretty much status quo back home. Your Mother works too hard, and worries too much. fortunately for us all she still gets out to get her hair done, and shop as much as she pleases, so she seems to be happy. She is going to have to find a new butcher as my meat was tough tonight. but we had a little caviar which freshened up the meal a bit. we will probably get to the ice cream and fudge sauce, a delicacy that seems to be served only whilst you are in the area.
Your Mother wanted more room in the basement for her things, so I sold the pool table and the guys who bought it nearly busted it as they were trying to get it up the stairs. She felt you would be disappointed and I told her that you would understand!
My Old Man used to say to me, “Take care of your Mother.” and I know you realize I can take care of myself at the present time. and who knows? I may become so damned senile, you may be presented with the burden of taking care of me some years hence.
Trouble is the easiest thing in the world to get into and expensive to get out of, at all times. Please, it is tantamount that you follow the straight and narrow path until you are on your own and can make your own bail.
Assuring you of my continued vigorous protection of your interests. again may I say it was good of you to write. and when you are down to your last sawbuck, you only need to call me and if I have it you will have it.
Lots of Love from
Father
P.S. That bit about the pool table was a dream.
