A Pub in Ireland, It’s 8:15 in the evening. the sound of a match is on the television.
Two Auld Lads try to make sense of the world. Their World….not yours.
Tommy Holding a Newspaper looks up at his pal Jimmy seated across the table quietly drinking his pint.
Tommy: Sez here, Some Aussie Scientists have found a black hole so large it eats the equivalent of one sun a day. with a mass 17 billion times larger than our sun.
Jimmy: Wha?
Tommy: It’s the fastest growing black hole ever recorded.
Jimmy: What time does it get here? I haven’t had me dinner.
Tommy: Pay attention, Get a good feed when you get home.
Jimmy: Wha?
Tommy: Wha?
Jimmy: For crying out loud.
Tommy: Well, how’s she cuttin’?
Jimmy: Grand all good.
Tommy: Well?
Jimmy: She’s cutting fine!
Tommy: Tell me lad, What is it you know about detecting gravitational waves?
Jimmy: I’m thinking at this moment not was much as you.
Tommy: Well then, Ya See….Gravitational waves are shockwaves that are emitted from a cataclysmic event.
Jimmy: Like the Enterprise firing photon torpedees at a Klingon vessel.
Tommy: No a cataclysm like two black holes colliding.
Jimmy: Sounds dirty.
Tommy: Albert Einstein predicted the existence of gravitational waves back in 1916. Me own father was born in 1912 did you know tha?
Jimmy: Are ya saying your Da knew Einstein?
Tommy: No he didn’t know Einstein. Einstein believed that gravitational waves would never be seen.
Jimmy: Me own father wished I wouldn’t be seen back then.
Tommy: Today, we see so many black hole mergers.
Jimmy: Black hole mergers is it? See that one over there by the bar? would you merge with her if ya had the chance?
Tommy: At my age? I’d merge with any woman would take pity on my poor old bones.
Jimmy: Bang on.
Tommy: Have ya heard from the other fella?
Jimmy: Who Lonergan?
Tommy: Naw, Billy.
Tommy: Ya remember William McCollum dontcha?
Jimmy: Aiye, Pocket full of trouble.
Tommy: It’s important not to think too much about what you do.
Jimmy: Perfect example of that, that lad.
Tommy: Less focus will keep you happy. why continually look at things through a telescope? big picture, cinemascope, vistavison, widescreen. seventy millimeter.
Jimmy: With no subtitles.
Tommy: OK then.
Jimmy: Gwan Carl Sagan
Tommy: Says here, It’s a surprise it remained undetected until now, given what we know about many other, less impressive black holes.
Jimmy: Black hole is it? you’ve seen yar share.
Tommy: Quasars tipped em off.
Jimmy: Quay Czars wha?
Tommy: I said Quasars, Not Quay…..Czars. It’s not some Russian gee-bag. they don’t emit any light ya see? But its the biggins tha form bright objects called Quasars.
Jimmy: Wha? didja say Gee? thought we were speaking about black holes. ohhhh shar, shar, a black hole is a gee. is that it?
Tommy: For fuck sake it’s like talking to a wall.
Jimmy: Wha?
Tommy: I’m trying to read ya this.
Jimmy: Who’s stopping ya.
Tommy: Looks like a gigantic magnetic storm cell with temperatures of 10,000 degrees Celsius, Lightning everywhere, Winds blowing so fast they would go around the world it says, In a Second.
Jimmy looks towards the bar (television)
Jimmy: Why the stoppage?
Tommy: Referee’s injured.
Jimmy: What Happened?
Tommy: He’s fallen on his whistle.
Jimmy: Gwan.
Tommy: Did you hear tha?
Jimmy: I love the sound of old cash registers.
Tommy: Grand, Grand, Grand. Wha’s yer favorite sound? when ya could hear better?
Jimmy: Owls.
Tommy: Elephants stampeding?
Jimmy: Owls
Tommy: Trains coming?
Jimmy: Owls…..or da Theremin.
Tommy: Really? I thought it’d be Chinese Arguing?
Jimmy: Shar, there’s that too.
Tommy: Can I please finish…
Jimmy: Lightning and winds blowing around a black hole, sorry quasars. lightning and wind blowing around a quasar…..do I have it right then?
Tommy: You’re close, Black holes are surrounded by a swirling zone where material is first dragged in before being consumed.
Jimmy: Material is Consumed? Sounds dirty.
Tommy: A huge release of light and heat.
Jimmy: Exactly wha time does to our memories.
Tommy: Wha?
Jimmy: Distorts da facts. we remember things differently. hold on to the good, discard the bad.
Tommy: Rationalization?
Jimmy: You realize why auld lads reminisce? it’s not that we’re nostalgic. it’s we’re stunned. It all went so quickly.
Tommy: Shar Shar, Stunned I’ve known you as long as I have.
Jimmy: It’s been brilliant…Ohh! Wait…..Horses coming!
Tommy: Wha?
Jimmy: Maybe a Fight Bell? Naw, Theremin.
Tommy raises his glass.
Tommy: To the Theremin then….. OOOeeeOOOeeeIIIUUU!
Jimmy: Makes the hair stand up on me neck.
Tommy: Neck hair makes me itch.
Jimmy: Slainte Itchy Brother.
Tommy: May the roof above us never fall in….
Jimmy: Here’s to a long life. A quick death, an easy one. A pretty girl, a pint of plain, and another one.
Tommy: Though? If the roof falls in? none of the rest of that shite will mean very much.
Jimmy: This is where you should be.
Tommy: In a building where the roof falls in?
Jimmy: Didja hear tha?
Tommy: I don’t hear anything anymore.
Jimmy: I love the sound of old cash registers.
Tommy: Ca-Ching!
Jimmy: Careful now.
Tommy: Sez here, Dey found a skeleton digging about in a Church in Holland.
Jimmy: Who is it dis time?
Tommy: d’Artagnan One of da Tree Musketeer’s.
Jimmy: Alexander Dumbass.
Tommy: Dumas
Jimmy: Shar Shar.
Tommy: Didja know there were Four Musketeers?
Jimmy: Pretty sure…it’s da Three Musketeers.
Tommy: They were brutal lads, carrying out the Kings will.
Jimmy: Kings will is never a good thing I’m thinking.
Tommy: Didja know d’Artagnan real name was Charlie? Charlie de Batz Castelmore.
Jimmy: Tough times back then. all da beheadings an shite.
Tommy: He died by a musket pellet to da throat.
Jimmy: Not swinging from a rope to save the lass?
Tommy: Pellet to da THROAT!
Jimmy: Tough way to go.
Tommy: How do you want to go?
Jimmy: Not by a pellet to da throat.
Tommy: I’d like to pass in my sleep peacefully. I’m an auld man.
Jimmy: Nobody notices auld people. Once yer past 49? that’s it then….they’ll never grab ya.
Tommy: Nobody gives two eggs outta the same hen
Jimmy: With me span of years? knock me down when it’s all over. You’ve got to make room for the other lad.
Tommy: I know that when my ashes are blown away or they stuff me in a bin, it’s not going to hurt.
Jimmy: I’ve had the simple pleasure of being present. I’ve had mine, and nobody can take it away from me.
Tommy: Tha may be so lad, though I’m sick of being ignored.
Jimmy: What cannot be remedied must be endured.
Tommy: Until ya fall into the ditch.
Jimmy: Hoping for more time, more opportunity, more perspective.
Tommy: Play the hand yar dealt.
Jimmy: Go on home ya troublemaker, I’ll see ya tomorrow.
Tommy: I surely hope that is so. Good Night old friend.
-The older you get, the more goodbyes you say.-