Grand auld soft spring evening.
Rain has stopped, Sun has set. Dusk has settled.
From Inside of a pubs open window, voices are heard loudly speaking over the sound of a small group in the midst of a lively session.
Across the pub against the wall. Couple of chancers discuss important information that requires a good chinwag. With the fate of the world hanging in the balance. they have no room for failure. These two brave half cut on the way to off their face must settle their differences, avoid ructions and find a way to solve the issues that confront mankind.
It appears…Nature has thrown us a curve once again. Here before us is the planets best option to save humanity from itself. Though they really can’t be sure anyone will listen. Would You So? Right now there’s lots of questions, with not many answers or solutions.
As We Begin this evening our heroes are in the midst of discovery.
Tommy: Shoebill Stork, Have you ever seen one?
Jimmy: Tha goofy looking bird?
Tommy: Look it up, Dis Shoebill ting is a Carnivore! A living breathing Dinosaur.
Jimmy: A Stork?
Tommy: C’mere to me. Were you to come face to beak with this thing? you’d be very afraid.
Jimmy: From a Stork?
Tommy: This stork eats meat. yar a big sack o meat to a shoebill stork.
Jimmy: Don’t we have enough to worry about? Now its a meat eating bird?
Tommy: I’m telling ya lad, dis ting will swallow you whole. all you’d see is the inside of its stomach, with yer shoe hanging out of its gob.
Jimmy: You sure you’re not making this all up?
Tommy: It’s true.
Jimmy: Uh huh? like the time ya saw a flying saucer landing in Mulligans back yard.
Tommy: Fair Play, It was late, I’d had a pint or two, it’s true. Though?
Jimmy: Uh huh?
Tommy: Apparently? There are two types of the species, African one eats crocodiles. American will bow to you.
Jimmy: Bow? Seems ya got it backwards. More likely the Yank would eat ya.
Tommy: Oh I don’t know?
Jimmy: Have ya seen Texas Chainsaw Massacre?
Tommy: Dat wasn’t real.
Jimmy: Da hells…da matter with ya? Storks dat eat people?
Tommy: Don’t provoke it. make any sudden moves. try not to smell like a chipper.
Jimmy: I smell fine.
Tommy: Telling ya, should ya ever happen across one? remember, no sudden moves, don’t smell like a chipper.
Jimmy: I smell fine.
Tommy: Running is permitted.
Jimmy: Have to catch me first ya storky bastard.
Tommy: Give ya nightmares.
Jimmy: So What doesn’t these days?
Tommy: The stare is what gets me, got the spookiest looking bake you’ll ever see.
Jimmy: Worse than Hoohoohan?
Tommy: Way worse than Hoohoohan.
Jimmy: Really?
Tommy: Telling ya
Jimmy: Tha’s hurtful.
Tommy: Ate a busload of children in Florida. responsible for a string of robberies across the southwest.
Jimmy: Robbed a bus full of school children? C’mon now.
Tommy: Ate.
Jimmy: Show me da story, making this all up aren’t ya? I don’t believe ya. string of robberies me arse?
Tommy: Getaway driver was a horned puffin! apprehended in Florida. trying to get a boat to Cuba.
Jimmy: Cuba? yar making this up, Cuba?
Tommy: Say what ya want about da Cubans, dey make a delicious sandwich.
Jimmy: It’s true, except for the bitter bananas.
Tommy: Bitter Bananas?
Jimmy: Oh Aiye, Plantains.
Tommy: I believe dey are da only country to name a sandwich after themselves.
Jimmy: What about…Baked Alaska?
Tommy: Naw, dats a province…or county or state or some shite. an Jim? it’s a dessert not a sandwich.
Jimmy: Stall the ball, Ice Cream Sandwich is a dessert. Why can’t a dessert be a sandwich too?
Tommy: Not a sandwich, a Dessert. sandwich in name only if you please.
Jimmy: That’s the call? OK then, How about Cameroon?
Tommy: It’s Macaroon, not Cameroon ya eejit.
Jimmy: What I say?
Tommy: Cameroon, Besides Dessert. not a sandwich.
Jimmy: Belgium Waffles!
Tommy: Not a sandwich.
Jimmy: Fer crying out loud.
Tommy: I don’t make the rules.
Jimmy: You do.
Tommy: Another pint?
Jimmy: Shar Shar, need to get a feed. all dis talk.
Tommy: Good bant
Jimmy: Have ya heard from the other fella?
Tommy: Hahana?
Jimmy: Naw, Mirtha.
Tommy: Oh Aiye. Mirtha.
Jimmy: No word then?
Tommy: From the other fella?
Jimmy: From Mirtha.
Tommy: Naw.
Jimmy: Well then.
Tommy: I will ya.
Jimmy: Two hours to kickoff and me arse has its own heartbeat.
Tommy: What the fuck is Martin O’Reilly doing?
Jimmy: Sean Hoolahan should’ve started over Thomas Delaney.
Tommy: The ship is sinking.
Jimmy: Cooking mongrel fox sucker.
Tommy: Gwan Ya Maloney.
Jimmy: Ya Maca-Macaroon.
Tommy: Da Shoebill Stork makes a sound like a machine gun.
Jimmy: Wha?
Tommy: Sounds like a machine gun.
Jimmy: Walking talking Wikipedia.
Tommy: Read it in the Irish Times.
Jimmy: Phfffft!
Tommy: The Scientific name is Balanencieps Rex.
Jimmy: Rex? My God it is a Dinosaur!
Tommy: Been trying to tell ya.
Jimmy: Are there any around here? I want to go bow to one immediately.
Tommy: One look at you and you’re finished.
Jimmy: Why is it I’ve never heard of this bird?
Tommy: They live a good life 35-50 years.
Jimmy: Make a good pet would it?
Tommy: Maybe you start with a parakeet. work your way up to it.
Jimmy: Is it house trained? if not, I’m out.
Tommy: He’s only Five Foot Three and You Cannot Resist His Stare.
Jimmy: Shoebill Stork was never called an arsehole.
Tommy: Not Like You.
Jimmy: Are they smart?
Tommy: They are, very clever, cunning one might say. patient masterful hunters.
Jimmy: Are they friendly?
Tommy: Couldn’t tell ya, never met one.
Jimmy: If ya do? don’t embarrass yerself with a lot of blathering. if it goes wrong? stand still, blend in when everyone else is running, and run when everyone else is standing still.
Tommy: I will ya. sound. night lad. It would appear my work is finished here.
Jimmy: Finished? Finishing my pint. In case I’m attacked by a bird with a large beak on me way home.
Standing from his seat, Tommy tips his cap, leans in
Tommy: I’ll let ye know should I hear from the other fella.
Jimmy: Gwan home ya troublemaker.
Tommy: Good Good.
The Wee man disappears into the mist.
A good storyteller never lets the facts get in the way.