Jimmy Healy
Dark winter evening, fierce windy outside the pubs door. Two men sit across from each other engaged in lively banter. Empty Pint Glasses fill the table. A warm fire cast a glow in the room.
Jimmy: If Jimmy Healy was dead, he’d be turning in his grave. but he’s not dead, so he isn’t.
Tommy: Don’t start Jimmy Healying me now.
Jimmy: Was tha 40 year ago?
Tommy: Thief! Sold him a bag of the herb in secondary school.
Jimmy: Here we go…
Tommy: ….Said he’d pay me tomorrow. Bastard! avoiding me ever since.
Jimmy: Oh he’s not avoiding ya on the count of tha.
Tommy: Ya mean that business with his sister?
Jimmy: Your business with his sister is your own business.
Tommy: Who has the better life the town crow or the country crow?
Jimmy: Careful now, crows hold grudges and never forget a face.
Tommy: I’ll not say anything bad about crows.
Jimmy: Treat crows well.
Tommy: Yer man Jimmy Healy reminds me of a crow, the shite.
Jimmy: Looks at ya like a crow lookin inta a bag a crisps.
Tommy: Tha Bastard.
Jimmy: Grab that crow, grab it wit both of yer hands, like a burglar, Hold it above yer head and Run!
Tommy: Think I’m going mad.
Jimmy: Going?
Tommy: And Charles Manson is gone.
Jimmy: Wasn’t he in The Great Escape?
Tommy: Wha? No….killed all those people in California in the 60’s.
Jimmy: Charles Bronson killed people in California?
Tommy: No, in the fillums.
Jimmy: You ar going mad.
Tommy: Look around, Feels like it sometimes.
Jimmy: Wha bout Kelly? Since his stroke, hows he been eh? poor bastard.
Tommy: Don’t know how he does it. Bad hand, bad fookin hand,
Jimmy: Not shar wha I’d do.
Tommy: Pray ya never do lad, pray. All he does is sleep an sit in front of the Telly.
Jimmy: Telly? Tha mans eyes an hearing are shite.
Tommy: That’s why he sits in front of it.
Jimmy: Sits in front of wha?
Tommy: Have ya been listening to anything I’ve said?
Jimmy: Wha?
Tommy: Have ya heard about Mulligans Mrs Sleep walking?
Jimmy: Wha’s Happened? Is there trouble?
Tommy: She wakes him up constantly, her screaming in her sleep every night. Very unsettling, says he.
Jimmy: Screaming is it? Sound asleep then?
Tommy: Screaming.
Jimmy: Unsettling.
Tommy: That’s what I said.
Jimmy: What’s Tha?
Tommy: Ran around with Jimmy Healy for a time. Mulligan never knew.
Jimmy: Sneaky Bastard, herself no good either, no wonder she’s walking the house at night screaming.
Tommy: Can ya imagine what’d Mulligan do to him if he finds out?
Jimmy: Good thing she’s not talking in her sleep too.
Tommy: Wha? no no no. sleep walking, not talking.
Jimmy: Bastard, Does she even know what she’s getting herself into?
Tommy: Do any of us really truly know?
Jimmy: I know enough to not get involved with a married woman.
Tommy: Ah so you’re the one.
Jimmy: I am
Tommy: He’s got another Molly I hear, Face like a cats hole.
Jimmy: Who?
Tommy: Who?!? Jimmy Healy!
Jimmy: Once the two of them sober up, it’ll sort itself out I’m thinking.
Tommy: Last one was gone before she had time to move in.
Jimmy: Hasn’t he been married 4 times?
Tommy: Impetuous
Jimmy: That wild look in their eyes is there for a reason.
Tommy: Maybe get to know her a little first?
Jimmy: Tha how they put it these days?
Tommy: You got to know several in yer day….didn’t cha lad?
Jimmy: Many have vouched for the veracity…of, of, of….lets just call it my character.
Tommy: Voracity? Heard people give it a name before, Usually….Mickey, The Manky One or Willy.
Jimmy: Manky?
Tommy: Tha Jimmy Healy is a Manky Bastard.
Jimmy: Himself, married 4 times? 4 times! wha is tha hurry?
Tommy: Don’t have to commit to anything before yer ready. Sleep on it. Make yer decision with a clear head, and a full eh….? eh?….stomach.
Jimmy: May you marry in haste and repent at leisure.
Tommy: May you marry a woman who blows wind like a stone from a sling.
Jimmy: An himself? Naw, no prize there.
Tommy: The sea wouldn’t give him a wave.
Jimmy: Himself and his ways.
Tommy: There’ll be heat to your arse yet Jimmy Healy.
Jimmy: Wish him a quick trip to hell.
Tommy: That you may die roaring like Doran’s ass.
Jimmy: May the lamb of god stir his hoof through the roof of heaven and kick you in the arse down to hell.
Tommy: The crows’ curse on you. Blast You to Hell!
